“The world was meant for you and me
To figure out our destiny
(A Thousand
Beautiful Things)
To Live
To Die
To Breathe
To Sleep
To try to make your life complete"
- Lyrics from the song A Thousand Beautiful Things by Annie
Lennox
Happiness
Happiness is a by-product of life choices. Happiness
is not a goal. Not enough Americans understand this reality.
The noted psychiatrist Martin Seligman has done a tremendous
amount of research on this issue and has created a website
about happiness. On his website he offers a number of questionnaires.
The questionnaire on personal strengths is nine pages long
and takes about forty-five minutes to complete. The idea is that after
completing this strength survey, you will know your top five
strengths. You can then ask yourself how much a part of your
life works from a framework that appreciates these five strengths.
Here is the link to this valuable website: www.authentichappiness.com. AFTER you do the survey and get your personal results, go to the end of this
section to learn the top five strengths that contribute to happiness. It's
important not to color your results, because the survey is part of an active
research study.
There is a range to happiness, and knowing your own ordinary
joys is important; such as ripe tomatoes in July, time for
the Sunday NY Times, choosing a new book to read, watching
a movie by a favorite director, or gathering people around
your table for good food. Being open to life, new experiences,
and learning is a huge part of finding happiness. Carry your
fears and discomforts graciously, knowing that we all have
them and the possibility of greater happiness is yours.
True happiness is not seen in the accelerated lives that are
described in Vanity Fair, nor is it found by the couch potatoes
solely devoted to TV. Neither of these positions are likely
to accomplish happiness. Life is to be lived more choicefully
and with greater imagination. Live life with a fine appetite
and happiness is more likely. Apply courage to fresh ideas
and restore the possibility of novelty. Remember routine can
be very dangerous to well-being.
Happiness is a different equation for each of us. It might
include reading favorite novels, learning a new language,
being generous, traveling (why is half the congress proud
they don’t have passports?) listening to music, having conversations
with elderly people, staying challenged, supported and stimulated—or
perhaps it’s none of these. Happiness is not a fixed quantity.
We are a consumer- driven culture that misleads
us to think that materialism, rather than community responsibility,
is the source of happiness.
Since the 1990s, Daniel Gilbert has been thinking about and researched happiness and emotional prediction. He’s discovered we make a lot of mistakes in expectations, which he calls “miswanting.” Click the following link to read “The Futile Pursuit of Happiness.”
Vitality in Living
“Our mortality gives us zest or we might as well be a
cow.” -Laura Perls
Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs really does need to
be evaluated in your own life. Are you eating the right foods,
skipping meals, or getting enough exercise? The most important
thing you can do with sleep is try to go to bed at the same
time and wake up at the same time.
Practicing habits that are nurturing and self-supportive
are important to follow on a weekly basis. Eat breakfast,
drink a lot of water, stop drinking soda. Sports Psychologist
Jim Loehr suggests practicing “habits of the heart” that
balances out the stress of our work life. Loehr and Tony
Schwartz wrote a book called The
Power of Full Engagement that describes this process
in greater detail.
Living a richer life is connected to knowing more about
what’s important to you. What are the values you want to
live by? My husband lives the Jewish practice of Tikkun - to
repair and transform the world. He volunteers in the most
serious way of everyone we know. One of his highest values is community
service.
Think of the roles you play in your life. One example would
be "What kind of a mother do you want to be?" Come
up with an adjective that captures what matters to you in each
of your roles, i.e. kind mother, honest partner, generous
daughter-in-law, highly organized administrative assistant.
Decide how to be more generous in your life. It may be as
simple as buying a treat from the French Bakery for your
secretary when it’s not Secretary’s Day.
Think of a small way to nurture creativity in your life.
Paint your son’s bedroom with his favorite color, no matter
what it is. My mother painted her dining room a bold sunset
red and it’s one of the memories that makes me smile. If calm
or peacefulness is a value, begin a daily ritual of Buddhist
Meditation which has proven effectiveness. If you want to be a
positive parent, try noticing the special things your children
do that so often go unnoticed. You can decide to be closer to
your partner and become less driven. Just take the small steps to make
it happen. Participate in the national event, “Take Back
Your Time Day” on October 24th. By October 24th of every year you will
have worked as many hours as most Europeans will for
the entire year. The book Take
Back Your Time is a collection of 30 essays that are
worth while. You might also consider reading What
Really Matters by Tony Schwartz, who interviews many
people and is practicing his new values in his own life.
We have the ability to shape our own lives. Change creates
a lot of anxiety, and resistance is about maintaining the
status quo. If you have the courage to persist in a new change
for a month, the probability of success increases. Keep in
mind that just as in the recovery process for addicts, know
that relapse is a part of it. Credit your changes with the
same patience as if you were practicing a musical instrument.
For more ideas, see the Boredom
section on this website. Please note many ideas for this
section come from Living on Purpose by Kay Butler in
the Sept/Oct 2003 Psychotherapy Networker magazine.
Questions To Consider
...on your way to a more vital life. Be specific in answering them.
"The broadly engaged mind is the source of a happy life" - Bromo in That Old Ace in the Hole by Annie Proix
- How have you been generous?
- What curiosity have you pursued recently?
- Who are your good friends beyond your family & relatives?
- Do you know any neighbors?
- Have you gathered people together for more than just the holidays?
- How do you keep yourself challenged or stimulated?
- Have you been to museums?
- What music do you listen to or create?
- Do you know what drains your energy?
- Do you know what replenishes & nourishes your energy?
- When did you last make a new friend?
- Do you talk with old people?
- Do you talk with children?
- What supports do you have in your life?
- Where have you traveled?
- Do you read newspapers, novels, poetry, blogs, etc?
- Do you know any languages?
- What plays, films or lectures have you been to?
- Have you tried therapy or group experiences to develop more self-awareness?
- What have you written or painted? (Letters and journals count)
- How have you been creative? (Cooking, dancing, gardening, blogging, or building mosaics)
- What do you do to keep your body physically healthy?
- Are you studying anything new?
- Do you listen to your children or nieces & nephews enjoy their disagreement & eagerly await to discover who they evolve to be?
- Do you volunteer?
- When was the last time you tried something that made you uncomfortable?
- What do you enjoy besides shopping, drinking, or eating out?
- When was the last time you had fun?
- What are you proud of about your time on this planet?
- Are you clear about the supports you have in your life?
Authentichappiness.com research has reached the conclusion that there are
five traits that contribute to greater happiness. Evaluate yourself on each
of these:
1. Gratitude 2. Optimism 3. Zest 4. Curiosity 5. Ability to love and be loved.
What are specific ways you can build each of these into greater
strengths? For example, to expand gratitude write a letter of thanks to someone you haven't acknowledged from your past or present.
Homework:
- Be ruthlessly honest with yourself make a list of what's important to you in your life based on your actions and choices. For example, think about what you spend your money on, what directions does your energy go to, how you spend your time. Then ask yourself, "How do you want to live differently?"
Links To New Possibilities:
Girlfriend Circles and Girlfriend Social - Both sites help you make new friends in your community
The Sprout Fund - Pittsburgh nonprofit that supports innovative ideas
Pittsburgh Glass Center
Pittsburgh Contra
Walls Are Bad
Venture Outdoors
Pittsburgh Cultural Connections:
mcgjazz.org - Manchester Craftsmen's Guild Jazz Programs.
The Academy for Lifelong Learning - A program for people eager to extend their education in their senior years by taking non-credit courses on the campus of CMU at no charge. E-Mail: ADULTLL@andrew.cmu.edu for more info.
Osher Lifelong Learning Center at University Of Pittsburgh - Experience lifelong learning with noncredit courses designed for
individuals who are retired or semi-retired, age 55 or over at the
University of Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh Arts -Art activities sponsored by The Pittsburgh Cultural Trust
The Frick -Offers Free summer concerts on First
Fridays
Backroads -Great travel opportunities for people who are solo
Calliope -Sponsors Folk & Roots Acoustic Music
Quantum Theatre
-a play series that specializes in unique settings
Mattress Factory
-a Northside contemporary arts venue
Drue Heinz Lecture
Series -presents authors who lecture and share their ideas
Pittsburgh
Filmmakers – showcases 3 theaters that offer movies that
are not the normal Hollywood fare
(Also, look at websites listed at the end of Single
and Dating section)
Volunteer Opportunities
Beginning with Books - read one hour a week to one kid or once a month to a small group.
Ambassadors for Children - One of two international volunteer opportunities
Volunteer International - A second international volunteer opportunity
Volunteer Match - hit search and find up to date list of possibilities for 304 organizations in Pittsburgh
Emergency Communities - help in the lower 9th ward of New Orleans.
Beyond Pittsburgh:
CIweb.org - Website to learn more about Chautauqua Institution and what it offers as a vacation destination
Film Movement- a
monthly club that offers movies that don’t make it to
theaters
CATF.org -Contemporary
American Theater Festival- See 1-4 new plays by established
playwrights in Shepardstown, WV
Go-Today.com -offers
travel packages to Europe that are worth driving to Newark for
Elder Hostel
-inexpensive ways to travel if you are 55 or over and love to
learn
Thelma and Louise - Women can search for traveling companions
Live Mocha - helps people learn languages by swapping messages and correcting them. Also offers lessons.
|
