INTRODUCTION ADDICTIONS ANXIETY & CODEPENDENCY BOOKS COUPLE'S TROUBLES DEPRESSION & EXPECTATIONS DIVORCE & BLACK/WHITE THINKING/FEELING EMOTIONS, ANGER, GUILT, & EMOTIONAL HONESTY FAMILIES, CRYING, CHOICES, & PAIN FORGIVENESS, IRONY, PITY & RESPECT GRIEF & FATIGUE HAPPINESS & VITALITY IN LIVING MOVIES PARENTING & PARENTING ADOLESCENTS RELATIONSHIP TRIANGLES & MANIPULATION SELF-HATRED, SELF ESTEEM, BOREDOM, RESENTMENTS, & PROJECTION SEXUALITY SINGLE & DATING ONLINE RESOURCES RELATIONSHIP REALITIES BLOG "Trash has given us an appetite for art."  - Pauline Kael Note: Six terrific movies that capture the victim, rescuer, persecutor drama triangle are listed on the relationship triangle page of this website. It's worth the effort to educate yourself about this game before you see the movies. It's a game played often in families, business, and in our culture. Movies About Love 9 Terrific Movies that Explore Love 500 Days Of Summer You can read the full review on my blog. Mansfield Park A British film with a female director. A very brash young woman (as most of author Jane Austen's characters are) listens to her own inner voice and is willing to give up wealth and return to abject poverty rather than marry the wrong man. There is also a moment where our heroine is clear about the dangers of charm. So many women deny and ignore that inner voice and pay the price of wasted years. As Good as it Gets One of the ultimate definitions of love happens when Jack Nicholson pays the highest compliment to Helen Hunt: "You make me want to be a better man." This movie also captures his ability to truly see who she is, and to describe her back to herself with a lovely clarity. She also has great boundaries with him which he is open to and then he is able to reduce his shenanigans. Emma Gwenyth Paltrow is radiant as another Jane Austen heroine. There is a picnic scene in which Emma is very mean and shockingly rude to another young woman whose only crime is that of being a geek. The man who secretly loves her and loves her enough to be incredibly honest tells her how terrible she has been; he does not want her to get away with it and she listens, shamed into being a better person. Emma follows through by taking action and making amends. The courage to say and hear hard truths leads to growth for both. Girlfight A wonderful movie with a female director and Michelle Rodriguez in her first performance. If swearing is a problem, the movie will be offensive to you. Michelle's character listens to her own voice to become a female boxer. She is at a party where her boyfriend Shaun shows up with another girl; there is no drama, and no games (like the recent Mary J. Blige song). She sets boundaries and she sticks to them. She doesn't pretend away what happened and get lost in the role of appeasing him to keep him. She has the courage of her convictions. She is able to be herself instead of saying what others want to hear. Baran An Iranian movie that is a visual feast. It is the story of a young construction worker self absorbed in survival who moves into true growth in loving an Afghan refugee from afar. His whole world view and moral code are transformed by his new experience of selflessness. Amores Perros A Mexican film that captures the tragic side of love in three stories that all intersect in a car crash. Very powerful and poignant to watch. The title translates into "love is a bitch". This movie is included because the danger of love must be faced to know love. Caution: Brutal dogfight scenes. Monsoon Wedding An Indian film of a Hindu wedding directed by Mira Nair. This movie has a very brave moment when the young bride risks the truth with her groom knowing that truth is the only way to begin a relationship and that she may lose him because of telling him. Tully Tully is a gem about two brothers who live on a Nebraska Farm. Handsome Tully learns what love is and makes a choice for substance over easy lust. Movies About Marriage A Walk on the Moon A wonderful movie that demonstrates repair is possible after an affair. Watch the last scene when Diane lane and her husband are dancing on the porch. They play his favored old-fashioned music and he reaches over to change the station to her 1960’s music, acknowledging that she can influence and change him. We Don't Live Here Anymore Two couples have reached the 10-year mark and both dissolve into lust, anger, and longing. The New Yorker called it the best movie of the year and described the characters, “At heart, they are moral people and misbehaving takes a lot out of them.” Laura Dern gives an outstanding performance. Consequences are depicted without any easy outs. Thinking of having an affair? Watch this first. All or Nothing Wonderfully grim movie that captures the slow erosion of a family when respect for each other has been lost. The British director Mike Leigh believes that people can be terribly honest, face the truth, and turn their lives around. This is really what the process of therapy is about. The Painted Veil A marriage that begins badly because Edward Norton loves her and she does not. She is spoiled and unhappy in 1938 China where there is a cholera epidemic and political unrest. She commits adultry and he carries her punishment too far. Then they both recognize they "looked for qualities each other never had." This honesty begins their emotional recovery. Movies About Fear Making life work despite fear: Brokeback Mountain Eloquent testimony to living a life deprived because of fear. Strictly Ballroom Aussie gem from 1992. The phrase the characters repeat over and over, “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.” The Accidental Tourist This movie is about love, grief, anxiety and the importance of taking risks. The main character, played by William Hurt, is so afraid that he strangles the vitality of his life with huge levels of control. Heavy A movie about an obese, anxious man who had been in a codependent relationship with his mother. His world has become strangled by his fear. Clearly shows how it is possible to make your world bigger, no matter how scary a proposition that may be. Crisis really is also opportunity. Ruby in Paradise A young girl moves to a new place to begin her life. Beginnings are always the hardest part. This movie captures both polarities of fear and excitement for any young person trying to make their way. Bowling for Columbine This is a documentary by Michael Moore. With humor he illustrates how we have become a fear-driven culture, encouraged by the sensationalism the media seeks. Movie About Trauma The Secret Life of Words The movie depicts a woman who has survived severe trauma and how she copes initially by keeping her world very small working in a factory without relationships and eating chicken, white rice & half an apple every day and this world surprisingly changes. Movies About Courage Black Hawk Down Gory and great movie directed by Ridley Scott. True story of Delta Force Snipers awarded the Medal of Honor in 1993. The book by Mark Bowden is even better. Murderball Documentary on rugby-playing quadriplegics who compete for the Paralympic gold medal in specially designed wheelchairs. Dirty Pretty Things A thriller directed by Stephen Frears. There is a heroic character in Dr. Okwe who, despite poverty, never lets himself off the hook by taking the easier way right through to his final decision. One of 2003's Best Films. Glory A movie of the first African American civil war troop who know they will die to prove they are equal. Born on the 4th of July A Vietnam vet who is paralyzed sends his life down the chute in Mexico with the help of drugs and prostitutes. Watch for the pivotal point in the movie when Tom Cruise is gut-wrenchingly honest and then is able to turn his life around. The Contender While trying to be confirmed as vice president, Joan Allen bravely fights for political respect for women candidates who will follow in her footsteps. Movies About Denial Denial is the most powerful force in the world, more powerful than love or hate. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room This terrific documentary of Enron's downfall is a case study in denial by an entire organization. Capote Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Truman Capote convinces himself & the murderer he is his friend & then clearly he needs Clifton Collins Jr. to die to advance his own work. Truman also demonstrates how to be a complete narcissist. Memento A movie that begins with the ending, it is a profound tribute to the power of how we pretend about the truth to ourselves and get lost in the quicksand of our lies. Goodbye Lenin A movie that makes two wonderful points: How easily an entire family can cooperate in illusions that become "normal." How a son has misplaced loyalty to a mother who doesn't deserve it. One of 2003's best foreign films. Water An 8 year old widow forced to live in an ashram of deprivation and poverty in 1938 India. Another widow finds the courage to interrupt her own denial and denial of the culture at large, to help the 8 year old. Movies About Grief Marilyn Hotchkiss Ballroom Dancing and Charm School A husband recovering from the death of his wife. Fate helps him begin to move on with dance. Broken Wings An Israeli family truely suffers from the loss of their father, Truely devastating for the mother & four children left behind. 12 and Holding How 3 twelve year olds deal with the death of their friend/brother. Again, each one handles their grief very uniquely. The Son's Room Learn how each family member struggles with grief in their own way. It is a very honest portrayal of the unbearable pain of the death of a child. Movie about Giving Up Your Dream Departures This 2008 movie from Japan is really lyrical. A young man decides to sell his cello and stumbles into another answer for his life quest. Movies About Attitude Attitude shapes your life. The Lives of Others Won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film in 2007 and deservedly so. Set in 1984 before the fall of the Berlin Wall. Watch the transformation of the Stasi spy who follows through with right action despite knowing there will be terrible consequences. My Life Without Me This Canadian gem has a remarkable 23 yr.old woman who faces dying in 2 months & has an attitude of being able to imagine those she loves without her. Mulholland Drive One way to look at David Lynch's tour de force is to see the scene in the cow pasture as a lynchpin. The cowboy asks the arrogant director, "Do you believe attitude shapes your life?", then yells at the director for offering an unconsidered answer. So the first 2/3 of the movie feature Betty who is positive, open, and believes in possibilities. Look for the moment when a key goes in a blue box. The same actress who played Betty now becomes Diane. Diane is angry, bitter and begrudging, all captured in a scene of unsuccessful masturbation. This is of course only one interpretation of a very complex, confusing movie. Movies About Addiction Leaving Las Vegas Nicholas Cage offers a harrowing performance of the self-destructiveness of addiction. SherryBaby Maggie Gyllenhaal offers a heart wrenching performance as an addict recently out of prison struggling with recovery and relapse. She finally transforms her selfish love for her 5-year old daughter. She begins the movie without any self-respect and falls into the relapse pattern of taking the easy way. By the end of the movie she grapples with being honest, making a hard choice and self-respect begins. Kids Terrifyingly realistic of the ugliness of teens and addiction. Trainspotting and Requiem for a Dream Gut wrenching movies that are not for the squeamish. Watching the waste and lack of morality should cure the potential addict (if only it could be that easy). Unfortunately, addicts will watch and reassure themselves that they're not as bad as that, so... When a Man Loves a Woman Meg Ryan plays the addict. Her husband is the confused codependent. Smoke Signals Based on Sherman Alexie's novel "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fist Fight in Heaven," it offers life on a contemporary Indian Reservation. It is a movie about the journey of forgiveness with an alcoholic father. Very emotionally honest as can be expected with a Sundance nutured film. Movies About Codependency Codependency is mush. Two people enmeshed with each other is not love. In fact, the pity of codependency is the real lack of respect in the relationship. The lack of respect is truly daunting. The danger of both of these movies is the watcher saying, “I’d never go to these lengths.” Stay tuned to all the small choices along the way and use the story to consider your own life instead of the easy, deflecting attitude of defensiveness. Dreamland Watch an 18-year old giving up her future to care for her alcoholic father and best friend who has MS. Her father discovers her secret and recognizing he is an obstacle in her life interrupts her enabling. (2006) The Deep End A mother who goes to every extreme for her son, except giving him the respect of believing him when he tells her the truth. She decides she knows and ultimately keeps him in the dark, so he never learns the severity of his poor judgment. It is a story of codependence masquerading as love and the relationship pays the price of no respect. In the Bedroom Sissy Spacek is deep into control in a situation of profound grief. Tom Wilkinson in a classic role of appeasement taken too far. The Cider House Rules In an early role for Toby Maguire he plays the orphan, Homer, who must leave the safe world created for him by Dr. Larch. He can only make his life his own by entering the wider world and then returning by his own choice. Dr. Larch is determined to be co-dependent with Homer. Candy, his first girlfriend, is "too afraid to be alone" and mistakes co-dependency for love. Movies About Revenge Old Boy, Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, & Lady Vengeance These movies are not for the faint of heart. Korean director Chan-wook Park has created a disturbing and unforgettable trilogy of movies. They examine the power of revenge and how it drives people to dark places. Movies About Boundaries Tadpole Sigourney Weaver plays a stepmother who a 15 year old is passionate about. She maintains her boundaries and he is freed up to move along in his life. Long term thinking about his best interests vs Bebe Neworth’s short term thinking of the immediate pleasures to be had. Also a good self-help book would be Boundaries, by Anne Katherine. The Upside of Anger Joan Allen demonstrates the destructive power of anger and bitterness over a disappearing husband. Kevin Costner finally sets an important boundary with her and defines enough is enough. Movie about Depression Ulee's Gold Peter Fonda turns in an amazing performance. Movies with Both Large and Small Therapeutic Points The Dark Knight Director Christopher Nolan scores again by creating a movie that reminds us even valiant superheros have their dark side... just like us. Gone Baby Gone A 2007 film directed by Ben Affleck. This is based on the book by Dennis Lehane. It's about the power of listening to the truth and going after it even when no one believes you. Lars & The Real Girl A 2007 movie that depicts Ryan Gosling as a shut off misfit. We watch him grow and change in part, because his therapist begins by respecting his kookyness. Secrets & Lies A movie about someone who is adopted & finds her birth mother. Mike leigh is the director of another movie that illustrates the importance of truth in relationships. Volver (2006) Written and directed by Spain’s famous filmmaker Pedro Almodocar – Captures strong women and the vibrancy of relationships between mother and daughter and sister. It also captures the terrible tragedy when someone is sexually abused and they unknowingly marry someone who repeats the damage. Frida A movie that offers magnificient visuals, as would be expected since design and direction were both done by Julie Taymor who did the incredible set for The Lion King on Broadway. The movie sheds light on the connection between the pain of this artist's life and her work. It is also a great film example of two "too muchs" in a relationship (see Couple's Troubles). Welcome to Collingwood A funny movie of five inept burglars. There is a lovely moment where one of the burglars leaves the group because he has a new girlfriend. The girlfriend wants an honest man and he has gotten himself a job. Insomnia Set in Alaska, Al Pacino plays a cop who loses his way on the path of truth and regrets it. Dark Blue Kurt Russell also plays a cop who loses his way on the path of truth and regrets it. Set during the LA riots. Boys Don't Cry Hilary Swank plays a transgendered person who is stomach-wrenchingly self-destructive. Wings of the Dove The destructiveness of obsessive love and learning to let go. Gosford Park Directed by Robert Altman, this movie captures clan divisions beautifully. We may pretend class isn't a part of American culture but that's not so. The complication of adoption is movingly addressed. In the Mood for Love Wong Kar-wai is the director; an astonishing poem to both romance and heartbreak of two lonely spouses both married to someone who is having an affair. It is haunting and knows the true loneliness of someone married unhappily. L'auberge Espagnole (Or "The Spanish Apartment") A French comedy that captures a college grad making life choices. Watch for the one character who is the biggest jerk and surprises us by also being the biggest hero. 28 Days Later A UK science fiction thriller directed by Danny Boyle, who knows how to create darkness in film. Naomi Harris plays a character remarkably grounded in terrible reality. Cillian Murphy grows and transforms into someone who demonstrates the power of legitimate anger in a story saturated with disturbing sick anger. Kill Bill vol. 2 It is very powerful to experience Uma Thurman digging herself out of a grave situation. She gets points for both courage and self-esteem. Kill Bill vol. 1 is enjoyable and fun, vol. 2 is more moving. Heat Heat, Collateral, and The Insider are movies by the director Michael Mann. They are movies of great style. The substance of these movies are stories of men who are committed to their work and doing it well. The New York Times review of Collateral describes it this way: "Most of the time, work is drudgery, compromise, frustration, but in Mr. Mann's films it carries a thrilling charge of sublimity, danger, and grace." Chinese Movies Chinese Movies include the Asian perspective that suffering is an expected part of life. Perhaps watching them will offer greater perspective on what tragedy really is. Three Movies offer the truth that profound pain must be made bearable. The first three star Gong Li, an amazing actress. Farewell My Concubine On many Top Ten Asian Movie lists. It is a powerful story of two actors from 1924 to 1977. Raise The Red Lantern A woman endures becoming the fourth wife to a very wealthy man. The visual impact of the film is outstanding. This is an extremely disturbing movie. The Emperor and the Assassin Takes place in 221 BC, the plot twists with betrayal, ambition, and political intrigue. An epic picture that runs 2 hours and 40 minutes. Xiu Xiu: The Sent Down Girl The painful life of a young girl who does not survive the cultural revolution. Directed by Joan Chen who did not fare nearly as well in her first Hollywood effort with Richard Gere. R rated. Disturbingly painful for the entire movie, the characters are unable to succeed making unbearable pain bearable. Just Plain Fun Movies Out of Sight George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez in an Elmore Leonard novel brought to life. Hero This Chinese movie is directed by Yimou Zhang who also directed the closing ceremony for the 2004 Olympics and Raise the Red Lantern mentioned above. There has never been a film that is so completely pure poetry. It elegently teaches a deeper meaning than most martial arts films and you experience the greater complexity of life. Truely magnificient. Movies that can offer you an erotic jump start for a healthy sex life are listen at the end of the sexuality page. Images and links courtesy of The Internet Movie Database (IMDb). LOCATION  :  PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE  :  SERVICES  :  CONTACT/FEEDBACK  :  HOME

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