• People Pleasing Is Cured By Being Authentic

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • March 2, 2010
    • 0

    Many are born with a terrible desire to be liked. I believe Bill Clinton had a terrible desire to be liked when he lied and defined oral sex as not having sex. Nixon wanted to be liked. Too many of us, who are lucky to be ordinary want to be… Continue Reading

  • Don’t Mistake Obsessiveness for Love

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • November 15, 2009
    • 0

    Obsessiveness erases the other person. It can't be love if you are so swamped in your own beliefs that you really have no idea that the other person feels differently. Obsessiveness means someone tells you they don't want to see you anymore and you surprise them the next day with… Continue Reading

  • Drowning in Ambivalence

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • October 9, 2009
    • 0

    One of the hardest aspects of anxiety is that people find themselves drowning in ambivalence. According to dictionary.com ambivalence is "uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by an inability to make a choice."  People come to my office ambivalent about therapyidea, ambivalent about whether or not they love someone, ambivalent… Continue Reading

  • Making Distinctions About Guilt; Instead of Suffering from It

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • July 27, 2009
    • 0

    Guilt is a complicated business because there are two sides to it. Of course, there is a good aspect to guilt. Guilt is supposed to be a pinch to remind us to do the right thing even if we don't feel like it. Guilt is like the penalty fee on… Continue Reading

  • The Challenge of Letting Go

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • July 15, 2009
    • 0

    It is a challenge to let go when all you want to do is hang on and control. Let's begin with why people hang onto control. The kooky things we do always make sense (which is the title of the 4/09/09 entry on this blog). Being in control provides people… Continue Reading

  • Control is the Opposite of Respect

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • July 14, 2009
    • 0

    I was on a plane circling JFK due to bad weather when the man next to me engaged me in conversation. He was the CEO of a small company that had just hired a psychologist to consult. He prided himself on soliciting input from the staff beneath him and he… Continue Reading

  • Alcoholism, Shame & Couples

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • June 22, 2009
    • 0

    Never underestimate the legacy of alcoholism on many generations in the same family. It's a disease that extracts an excruciating price. Mothers leave children behind, fathers are fetched out of bars by elementary school kids, money disappears in a pile of empty promises and that's just the beginning. Alcohol becomes… Continue Reading

  • Courage, the Opposite of Anxiety & Maya Lin

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • May 30, 2009
    • 0

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_V1grA-SFQ] I often ask anxious people what is the opposite of anxiety and they reply peacefulness. It is certainly more peaceful to be able to erase the tension from anxiety. A more useful opposite would be courage. The world would be a better place if we all had more courage.… Continue Reading

  • Understanding Anxiety, it’s Impact on Relationships & the Swedish Detective Kurt Wallander

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • May 10, 2009
    • 0

    Anxiety is the most common problem seen in my line of work. It seems to be a struggle earlier in life for more and more children. Teens who are perfectionists really get beaten up by their own expectations. Perfectionism, obsessing, pervasive self-doubt, fear of encountering either the larger world or… Continue Reading

  • Codependence & the First Celebrated Siamese Twins

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • May 5, 2009
    • 0

    The term Siamese twins originated with Chang and Eng who were born in Siam and settled in North Carolina after their world travels. Their fused liver is in the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia. The description beneath it says "Chang made the greater physical accommodation and developed a definite curvature of… Continue Reading

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