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Relationships are the most important part of our life and improving them matters. Making just one simple change could make a huge difference. When something bothers you our first instinct is to avoid & deflect talking about it in all our relationships. Then in our silence our self-righteousness grows. Then… Continue Reading
What are boundaries? Boundaries are communications in relationships about what's not ok & what's ok. I tell people when they see my vast library at home, "I don't lend my books. I would rather buy you one than risk never seeing my book again." That communicates a boundary. The boundaries… Continue Reading
The longer you can go without input from someone else, the easier it is to convince yourself that your point of view is the only one that really matters. We all love nurturing our own beliefs. We go over & over & over something that bothers us and slowly build… Continue Reading
The second half of season 4 began Jan. 1st on NBC @ 10pm. I read about this series because it was on Rob Owen's Top 10 list for 2012 for the Pittsburgh Post Gazette. He said that season 3 & 4 were terrific, so I decided to find out for… Continue Reading
Assumptions are all about avoiding vulnerability. Assumptions cheat us out of the possibility for real dialogue. It is only through honest dialogue that we can have intimate relationships. Why do we like hiding out in assumptions? 1. Assumptions are shortcuts. 2. They avoid the messy uncertainty of dialogue. Assumptions are… Continue Reading
These are my least favorite words in the English language! In my office, I bump into it all too often. It is an ordinary belief that sets up enormous disappointment. I don't understand why so many people are enchanted by this complete fabrication of what it means to be in… Continue Reading
Forty years ago I wish someone would have explained to me that the core of my in law problems were about their values of what was proper. I remember my brother in law observing "You guys are like oil & water." This did not offer me any understanding. Being a… Continue Reading
The State of Wonder is the newest book by Ann Patchett. She is famous for her novel Bel Canto which helped me understand more about Opera within a setting of a terrorism attack. "I write about what I don't know because I love doing research." she announced when she spoke… Continue Reading
It was our 38th anniversary this month & I was grumpy my husband had bought tickets to something called Moth. I didn't understand what it was, even after reading the email he forwarded. It turned out it was one of the most delightful evenings of the year. Moth is an… Continue Reading
It's the prickleyness of defensiveness that gets in the way of communication. It's quite a task to wade through defenses, because they are sticky, like muck in a swamp. My work is to help people be more open & vulnerable with each other, which is the opposite of defensiveness. We… Continue Reading
