• Relationships are About Building Bridges

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • April 24, 2010
    • 0

    Relationships succeed if there is respect for differences. They fail if there is not. Two people, no matter how much alike, are not clones. In Pittsburgh, we are a city of bridges because we sit in a triangle of three rivers. Many of our bridges are very beautiful. The 16th… Continue Reading

  • Coping After Someone Dumps You

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • April 16, 2010
    • 0

    Letting go of someone you've loved can be exquisitely hard to do for many people. If you've been taken by surprise, if you've been misleading yourself about how they feel or if you've been lied to, full recovery can seem just out of reach. It's so human to torture yourself… Continue Reading

  • Working or Living with Someone Highly Sensitive

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • April 10, 2010
    • 0

    A former client requested this post. I will begin by saying this is not an easy situation. Highly sensitive people are like a sponge so full, that it doesn't want to soak up any more water. Someone else who is quick to be on the defense, can stop you dead… Continue Reading

  • Repair is Crucial in Relationships

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • April 5, 2010
    • 0

    I was in Cleveland working in a group of therapists when someone asked Mari Creelman what to do about this impossible task of mistakes when parenting. She looked at him and responded, "Be honest about your mistakes, that's how trust builds." I believe this advice works for all relationships. It… Continue Reading

  • Texting & Emotional Distancing

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • March 29, 2010
    • 0

    It has become ordinary to send a text to break up or to say I love you for the first time. It's a way to play it safe and escape from difficult emotions. Breaking up by text avoids the hard parts of rejection. Avoiding the hard parts is what emotional… Continue Reading

  • Taking Things Personally Hurts Relationships

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • March 12, 2010
    • 0

    When you are wrapped up in your own pile of hurt, it's almost impossible to see the other person clearly. Taking things personally is like taking a hammer to hurt your own hand, which is a very bad idea. Hurt becomes a false cocoon of "safety" that really demolishes any… Continue Reading

  • Never Underestimate the Power of Family History & The Last Station

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • March 5, 2010
    • 0

    The movie, The Last Station is a rich story about the marriage of Leo Tolstoy and his wife, the Countess Sophia. There is a power struggle between Tolstoy's wife (Helen Mirren) and his advisor (Paul Giamatti). Caught between these two is Tolstoy's secretary and it is through his eyes that… Continue Reading

  • Parallel Monologues vs. Real Dialogue

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 30, 2010
    • 0

    In my work with families and couples, I experience most people communicating in parallel monologues. Neither person is able to absorb, digest or really appreciate a point of view that is opposite of their own. Both people are so filled up with their own thoughts and feelings there is simply… Continue Reading

  • My Love Affair with Reading

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 15, 2010
    • 0

    Noah's Compass by Ann Tyler is my first delightful reading discovery of 2010. Anne Tyler knows the beauty of ordinary people. In her character of Liam Pennywell she tells the story of a man who loses his job at 61 and finds the terrain of relationships completely befuddling. We find… Continue Reading

  • 8 Ways to Make Your Marriage Successful for the Long Haul

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 2, 2010
    • 0

    I'm writing this for my favorite couple who share my life. In Pittsburgh tonight, we celebrate their year and a half old marriage that took place in New Zealand. After years of working with and thinking about couples I've got some ideas about what helps marriages last. Marriage is a… Continue Reading

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