• Considering Family Dynamics

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • December 26, 2009
    • 0

    After holiday time spent together, it might be good to learn something about what it takes to have healthy family dynamics. Put simply, every pair needs to connect. So if there are eight people around the table or spending a day together, each different pair needs to spend some time… Continue Reading

  • The Power of Fantasy and Overly Generous Women

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • December 19, 2009
    • 0

    "To answer your question," said Abigail, "I always gave Oscar the benefit of the doubt. That's how I put up with him."                                                        … Continue Reading

  • Trouble in Years 6 to 10 is Ordinary

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • December 14, 2009
    • 0

    Think about falling in love: you know you're special when the other person remembers your favorite song, buys your favorite flower and listens for the nuances of who you are. This is a superficial elegance that gets lost over time because it is ordinary to find differences tiresome in years… Continue Reading

  • The Puzzle of Vulnerability

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • December 10, 2009
    • 0

    One reader arrived at my blog by typing in, "Why can't people talk honestly and be truthful about themselves?" As a culture we are at a high water mark of avoidance and deflection - We punish and ignore people when they're honest. I've lost clients because I've been honest. I… Continue Reading

  • Don’t Mistake Obsessiveness for Love

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • November 15, 2009
    • 0

    Obsessiveness erases the other person. It can't be love if you are so swamped in your own beliefs that you really have no idea that the other person feels differently. Obsessiveness means someone tells you they don't want to see you anymore and you surprise them the next day with… Continue Reading

  • therapyidea is Not about Blaming Mothers

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • November 7, 2009
    • 0

    Mothers worry a lot when their  adult children begin therapyidea. There is a cultural perception that problems must be all mom's fault. The truth is ALL mothers have strengths and weaknesses. We are all a mixture of good and bad in what we offer our children. Popular culture divides moms… Continue Reading

  • Trust is a Tricky Business

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • October 28, 2009
    • 0

    If you grew up unable to trust one parent in childhood it makes things difficult to figure out in the present. If you grew up unable to trust two parents in childhood it means trust can be a complete mystery. Sometimes trust is confusing because of a trauma when you… Continue Reading

  • For Parents & Kids Who’ve Left for College

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • October 19, 2009
    • 0

    It's important for kids to have enough space to grow into greater independence. Like my work, parents are supposed to do themselves out of the job. With all of our technology it is tempting to crowd kids with the parent's need for connection. This is similar to spanking because spanking… Continue Reading

  • Drowning in Ambivalence

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • October 9, 2009
    • 0

    One of the hardest aspects of anxiety is that people find themselves drowning in ambivalence. According to dictionary.com ambivalence is "uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by an inability to make a choice."  People come to my office ambivalent about therapyidea, ambivalent about whether or not they love someone, ambivalent… Continue Reading

  • Disappointment Crushes Relationships

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • September 23, 2009
    • 0

    "People who suffer a lot, often times do so, because they are cognitively wrong about what they think they have a right to expect."  Abraham Maslow, psychologist   Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat,Pray,Love fame spoke in Pittsburgh last night. She was quoted in the Post Gazette: "Marriage is not a game for… Continue Reading

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