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At Chautauqua we hear lectures on vacation; David Brooks spoke about the lack of depth & inner dialogue that he finds is part of today's youth culture because there is so much focus on their "outsides". Many times in this blog I have ranted about the amount of avoiding and… Continue Reading
What are boundaries? Boundaries are communications in relationships about what's not ok & what's ok. I tell people when they see my vast library at home, "I don't lend my books. I would rather buy you one than risk never seeing my book again." That communicates a boundary. The boundaries… Continue Reading
Mental health is built upon layers of growth over time. The more honest you can be with yourself about your shortcomings the more likely you are to grow and achieve greater mental health. The more you avoid & deflect the less likely you are to achieve mental health. #1. Let's… Continue Reading
Fantasy is important because it's how dreams get started. Dreams make life more interesting, give us hope and help us imagine how things can be better. The other side of this strength is the darkness of self torture. Self torture is restless and never certain that anything is ever enough.… Continue Reading
Loneliness Is a place that I know well It's the distance between us And the space inside ourselves lyrics by Annie Lennox in her song Loneliness Holidays are about gatherings & connectedness. It's very hard for the buckets of people who feel lonely during all the festivities. Whether it's a… Continue Reading
Assumptions are all about avoiding vulnerability. Assumptions cheat us out of the possibility for real dialogue. It is only through honest dialogue that we can have intimate relationships. Why do we like hiding out in assumptions? 1. Assumptions are shortcuts. 2. They avoid the messy uncertainty of dialogue. Assumptions are… Continue Reading
There are so many ways that feelings wreck havoc on our lives. We feel we are entitled. We feel we are right. We love to blame others instead of look at ourselves. We feel defensive. We feel sensitive. We feel self righteously angry. The list of trouble making perspectives is… Continue Reading
Working at Pittsburgh Action Against Rape to develop the Incest Program in the early 80's I learned a lot about ugly levels of power & control in a relationship. Abuse is a word I am careful with. There is physical, emotional & verbal abuse and also neglect. There is a… Continue Reading
1: The most important criteria for finding a therapist to work with, is feeling you can be totally honest with them. It's crucial to be able to take a leap of faith so that you can spill your guts. Then you can be real with sharing all that is troubling… Continue Reading
Denial is more powerful than love or hate. It is a force that most people underestimate despite reading about it in newspaper headlines. How did Sandusky's wife not know her husband was sexually abusing boys in their basement? I learned to respect denial over 30 years ago while developing the… Continue Reading
