fantasy, fantasies, fantasys, fantasy women, fantasy love, dreams, obsessions, obsessive love, obsessively

Fantasy is important because it’s how dreams get started. Dreams make life more interesting, give us hope and help us imagine how things can be better. The other side of this strength is the darkness of self torture. Self torture is restless and never certain that anything is ever enough.

Constantly living with the idea that things could be better IF: if only I had a bigger house, if only I had a better job, if only I worked harder and most damaging if only I was with the right person. There is a constant layer of dissatisfaction that anxious people often obsess about that spoils contentment.

“If I was married to someone who is prettier, or I should be with someone younger, or I meet someone and fantasize it could be better with them because they really appreciate me.” In the fantasy everything is GREAT. Fantasy is seductive.

Fantasy is powerful because it’s all about the potential future rewards. Fantasy erases the present so that the ordinary, temporary, reality of an irritable partner or feeling unappreciated or neglected then becomes unbearable. Fantasy makes you believe things are not good enough the way they are…..

Fantasy creates agitated people who are constantly scanning the horizon looking for improvement which can easily evolve into a way to torment themselves.

Fantasy can also lead to a better life when new ideas are pursued.

Obsession about lovers who leave often include a high level of fantasy. You make up that you are as important to them as they are to you. You decide you are simply misunderstood instead of taking responsibility for your part in the problems. You may even spy or snoop because you are in the right in your own fantasy.

It’s a relief when the other person deserves all the blame though that almost always is a hallmark of fantasy.

In my previous post I spoke about how easy it is to be self righteous when you are silent & don’t communicate which is another fantasy based activity. It is the reality of communication with the other person that is the only way to stumble around & determine the truth. Truth only lies in between people.

First love is full of fantasy “I will never leave you or lie to you or….or…or….” It is only over time that the reality of love can be tested. The beginnings of love are the easy part.

We all make up a lot of imaginary ideas which can work against us or for us. It’s sifting through them to know which is which that can make a real difference. Everyone needs either an honest friend or an honest therapist or the ability to be fiercely honest with yourself to not let fantasies lead you astray………

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About the Rhoda Mills Sommer

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