• The Blame Game: Demonizing the Other

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • August 14, 2012
    • 0

    Many of us find great comfort in demonizing our ex spouses or ex friends to make it easier to banish them from our world. This is a very 1 or 10, black or white, self serving point of view. We call this either/or thinking which is always about the extremes.… Continue Reading

  • Wishing Our Perceptions Are Reality

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • November 5, 2011
    • 0

    Reality is always to be found in the messiness in between two people. Not a week goes by without listening to massive numbers of people, who are only committed to their own point of view. I watch them completely erase the other person's concerns over & over. One example: "I… Continue Reading

  • Hurt Should Not be a Demand

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 24, 2011
    • 0

    A broken arm or a bloody wound demands attention. In a relationship feeling hurt does not mean an automatic entitlement to attention. Feeling hurt requires a large amount of dialogue to help both people understand what has occurred. Too often in relationships one person's hurt becomes a way to manipulate… Continue Reading

  • Narcissism & Relationships

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • August 30, 2010
    • 0

    You might wonder what Picasso, Ben Roethlisberger and Mel Gibson have in common? They are all men who ended up with power, fame and a reputation for abuse in relationships. Narcissism means other people are merely the audience. This is not about a diagnosis of narcissism, it is about the… Continue Reading

  • Manipulation, Misplaced Loyalty & Columbine

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • April 29, 2009
    • 0

    A NY Times book review (4/19/09) of Columbine by Dave Cullen caught my attention because I'd always wondered what was the truth of this tragedy. The reviewer, Jennifer Senior describes the author as not only dispelling the myths but making "the reader care about getting it right." Cullen makes excellent… Continue Reading

  • 20 Things to Be Wary of When Dating

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • February 12, 2009
    • 0

    1. Manipulation and Blame Someone stuck in the Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor game, someone who is obsessed with manipulating others, or is an active addict is really always looking for an audience. (Note how the main character is manipulated by the wealthiest woman in town in Empire Falls by Richard Russo).… Continue Reading

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