• Our Relationship to the Have Nots & the Novel Preparation for the Next Life

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • February 23, 2015
    • 0

    I read this because of the book review in the NYT on 11/13/14. The reviewer's last sentence: The final chapters of this indelible book pulled my heart up under my ears. caught my attention. I will never look at a homeless or poor person again without noticing how worn their… Continue Reading

  • Solving the Manipulation Problem in Relationships Part 2 of 3

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • August 23, 2010
    • 0

    The previous post briefly described the emotional toll the game of Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor costs any relationship. I offer my triangle of mental health: First and foremost, a fearless honesty requires a willingness to look within and take responsibility for your mistakes and problems. Instead of blaming the other… Continue Reading

  • Taking Things Personally Hurts Relationships

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • March 12, 2010
    • 0

    When you are wrapped up in your own pile of hurt, it's almost impossible to see the other person clearly. Taking things personally is like taking a hammer to hurt your own hand, which is a very bad idea. Hurt becomes a false cocoon of "safety" that really demolishes any… Continue Reading

  • Parallel Monologues vs. Real Dialogue

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 30, 2010
    • 0

    In my work with families and couples, I experience most people communicating in parallel monologues. Neither person is able to absorb, digest or really appreciate a point of view that is opposite of their own. Both people are so filled up with their own thoughts and feelings there is simply… Continue Reading

  • 8 Ways to Make Your Marriage Successful for the Long Haul

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 2, 2010
    • 0

    I'm writing this for my favorite couple who share my life. In Pittsburgh tonight, we celebrate their year and a half old marriage that took place in New Zealand. After years of working with and thinking about couples I've got some ideas about what helps marriages last. Marriage is a… Continue Reading

  • Trouble in Years 6 to 10 is Ordinary

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • December 14, 2009
    • 0

    Think about falling in love: you know you're special when the other person remembers your favorite song, buys your favorite flower and listens for the nuances of who you are. This is a superficial elegance that gets lost over time because it is ordinary to find differences tiresome in years… Continue Reading

  • The Challenge of Letting Go

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • July 15, 2009
    • 0

    It is a challenge to let go when all you want to do is hang on and control. Let's begin with why people hang onto control. The kooky things we do always make sense (which is the title of the 4/09/09 entry on this blog). Being in control provides people… Continue Reading

  • Control is the Opposite of Respect

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • July 14, 2009
    • 0

    I was on a plane circling JFK due to bad weather when the man next to me engaged me in conversation. He was the CEO of a small company that had just hired a psychologist to consult. He prided himself on soliciting input from the staff beneath him and he… Continue Reading

  • Parents Visiting, Obligation or Genuine Interest?

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • May 25, 2009
    • 0

    My husband and I grew up with a sense of obligation to be with our parents. It is interesting that neither of us was ever able to move very far beyond that. So it came as a surprise when I asked my son how he felt when we visited him… Continue Reading

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