I don’t hear much or read much about how sweet life can be when you’ve loved somebody over the long haul and done the hard work to solve and survive problems.

There isn’t any trouble about who takes the garbage out; because who ever is home and remembers, simply does it. It’s easy to be a team and get things done, because there is history together. 

Falling in love is like looking forward to the lovely, hot blue sky days of summer. It’s gloriously anticipated and a truly delightful state of heart and mind. Having kids is like spring – heart stoppingly beautiful, interspersed with dreadful buckets of rain and clearing out winter’s damage. Years 6-10 (including, of course both sooner and later) is like winter, the illusions are gone and often both are convinced, “OMG what have I done for the rest of my life, entangling myself with this idiot.” If you’re lucky enough to do the work and not bail, there is an infrastructure in place, of honesty about hard things, that will last a lifetime. It’s winter that makes the other seasons so sweet. Then the long haul offers; fall golden days, dripping with reds, yellows and oranges. There is a comfort about “Oh am I lucky to have figured out one of the best parts of life, by being with someone who has a truly good heart and wants the best for me.”  When I told my husband I’d read about an idea to advertise my blog by making postcards to hand out, immediately he got on his iPhone and send an email to his political postcard design person asking for her help. That’s an attention and caring that money can’t buy. He wants the best for me, no doubt about it.

I believe good men can be harder to find than good women. So many women make it harder on themselves by setting themselves up with a lot of superficial requirements. Honesty, good heart and good head should really cover what’s important. Certainly those 3 things have a greater chance at relationship survival.

Enjoying each other’s company and each doing things that are important as an individual – it is this combination that leads to keeping the relationship interesting over time. Many young couples have the misguided idea that being together all the time is the way it’s supposed to be. Like two people racing with one leg each in a potato sack, that’s not a beautiful thing. If you want a juicy relationship then both people need room to grow over time and evolve into more three-dimensional people. That along with respect for the differences and honesty about hard things will also guarantee a future. You work and earn the easiness. It’s not that magical beginning built on false expectations that’s really the best part.

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About the Rhoda Mills Sommer

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