Victims have a lot to learn about being more self protective. Victims have too much empathy for others & not enough for themselves. They forget to take care of themselves because they are too focused on other people.

Here are 20 Questions to determine whether or not you set yourself up as a victim?manipulated definition, victim definition, manipulated, meaning of victim, the victim, being manipulated

1. Is it easier for you to stay silent instead of asking for what you want?

2. Do you believe the lyrics of the old Dean Martin Song;
You’re Nobody Until Somebody Loves You?
So you end up feeling bad about being single.

3. Can you be convinced to leave your friends behind,
by someone else so you end up isolated?

4. Are you too committed to pleasing others?

5. How desperate are you to be loved?

6. Do you swallow your anger?

7. Are you able to say NO, and to set limits & boundaries?

8. How over responsible are you?

9. Do you suffer from exaggerated guilt?

10. Do you feel appreciated in your own life or are you too hungry for more?

11. Do you end up feeling lost in relationships?

12. Are you afraid to disagree?

13. Are you an extreme caretaker who does not take care of yourself?

14. Are your relationships follow a lopsided pattern where you do too
much catering to the other person?

15. Do you apologize so often it’s become a habit?

16. Are you easily taken in by others, perhaps a bit sappy?

17. Do you allow others to suffocate your own spirit or creativity?

18. Is it easy for you to hang onto false hopes & ignore your own
suspicious inner voice?

19. Do you minimize your problems in relationships & avoid addressing them?

20. Are you too eager to forgive?

Self awareness is the beginning of real change. Don’t be discouraged if you answer yes to many of these questions. Begin to think about how to be more self protective. The opposite polarity is to learn skills in building your sense of self and hanging onto your own values. One example would be to not allow yourself to become removed from your friends or family.

Learn to change your catering behavior. Instead of a habit of being too generous or forgiving, start to think through your feelings & ask yourself what is reasonable and what is unreasonable. Don’t agree to do things that seem unfair.

When you ignore yourself,then you contribute to the lopsidedness in the relationship. Interrupting the pattern of being a victim is important. Embrace a little bit of wariness & skepticism in a new relationship until you know whether your partner has character & substance. Stop worrying so much if they like you & risk being true to yourself.

Continuing as a victim means to continue to abandon yourself.

Any comments from those of you who know the bad habit of being a victim in romantic relationships would be appreciated!

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About the Rhoda Mills Sommer

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