• Anger, Shame & Silence @ the core of PTSD & the novel The Garden of Evening Mists

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 15, 2013
    • 0

    The Garden of Evening Mists was short listed for the Man Booker Award. It is a glorious novel that takes place in war-torn Malaysia after the Japanese occupation which resulted in 100,000 deaths. It captures all the layers of PTSD and the power of traumatic experiences. It is a marvel… Continue Reading

  • Shame, Self-Hatred & Self Destructiveness; Obstacles to Change

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • August 27, 2012
    • 0

    Shame, self-hatred & self destruction are often all intertwined. These three make the road to change an obstacle course. This is a triangle of defeat & can stop growth in its tracks. It's a trap that absorbs all of someones energy and it's hard to crawl out of..... The real… Continue Reading

  • New Website Page On Shame & Perfectionism Worth Reading

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 6, 2011
    • 0

    "Perfectionism is a 200 lb. Shield." Dr.Brene Brown In the past 3 days I've worked with 15 different people on the issue of perfectionism. I watch someone I love in life struggle with it. It's very hard to effectively change. On my previous post I embedded a TED talk by… Continue Reading

  • Vulnerability in Relationships is the Opposite of Manipulation

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 1, 2011
    • 0

    Manipulation of others is a great way to stay invulnerable. Manipulation is a way to hide who we really are from others. We are all a mixture of good and bad. Yet when was the last time you shared a story of being bad with someone else? When was the… Continue Reading

  • Exaggerated Guilt

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • October 21, 2010
    • 0

    People who suffer from exaggerated guilt often erase decades of their life by feeling bad. They act as guilty as if they had murdered someone and belong in prison. They build a prison for themselves of twisted ideas. I’ve watched many lovely women from Pittsburgh, whose hearts are strong and… Continue Reading

  • Mistakes & Forgiveness

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • July 25, 2010
    • 0

    I was lucky enough to work with women in prison and jail. I learned a lot about how hard it can be to maneuver a place for yourself in the world after making disastrous mistakes. Mistakes about a man's character, mistakes in judgement, mistakes in making impulsive decisions, mistakes born… Continue Reading

  • Repair is Crucial in Relationships

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • April 5, 2010
    • 0

    I was in Cleveland working in a group of therapists when someone asked Mari Creelman what to do about this impossible task of mistakes when parenting. She looked at him and responded, "Be honest about your mistakes, that's how trust builds." I believe this advice works for all relationships. It… Continue Reading

  • Risk More Shamelessness

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • November 17, 2009
    • 0

    Junot Diaz,the author, spoke at Drue Heinz lectures tonight and it was very rewarding. He talked about his immigrant experience at the age of six from the Dominican Republic to New Jersey. A member of the audience asked him if he had advice for her as a teacher of ESL… Continue Reading

  • Alcoholism, Shame & Couples

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • June 22, 2009
    • 0

    Never underestimate the legacy of alcoholism on many generations in the same family. It's a disease that extracts an excruciating price. Mothers leave children behind, fathers are fetched out of bars by elementary school kids, money disappears in a pile of empty promises and that's just the beginning. Alcohol becomes… Continue Reading

  • Easier Said Than Done & Kitchen Nightmares

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • March 20, 2009
    • 0

    In response to a comment about my Top Chef blog entry I want to acknowledge that change is easier said than done. Watching one episode of Chef Gordon Ramsay in Kitchen Nightmares is a clear demonstration of how hard it is to change. Ramsay goes to restaurants on the verge… Continue Reading

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