• Two Stressful Paths that Anxiety Travels Upon

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • January 8, 2013
    • 0

    One path is to be the kind, thoughtful people pleasing person who wants to be liked so they often have a hard time being genuine. The other path is to be irritable, impatient & cranky in order to be impervious. Both paths have piles of fear & insecurities underneath. The… Continue Reading

  • Losing the Superbowl & the Value of Uncertainty

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • February 9, 2011
    • 0

    In relationships there is an enormous amount of uncertainty. Young couples leap into the certainty of sex because it is hard for them to tolerate all the uncertainty of beginnings. In a majority of relationships there is tremendous uncertainty in years 6 - 10, because all the illusions have fallen… Continue Reading

  • Fearing New In-Laws

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • September 6, 2010
    • 0

    [caption id="attachment_1173" align="aligncenter" width="470" caption="Split Rock,South Island New Zealand"][/caption] There is so much suspicion surrounding new people becoming part of the family. In the 50's there was even suspicion about people of different religions. It's scary for parents because they don't participate in the choice. It's sad that there is… Continue Reading

  • Feeling Stuck in Worrying/Obsessing?

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • April 29, 2010
    • 0

    Getting stuck in our fears is so easy.  Going over and over things in our head and feeling terrible is common to us all. If over the years you don't accept your body, your looks, your smarts or your mistakes, you can literally freeze your brain into bad ways to… Continue Reading

  • Drowning in Ambivalence

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • October 9, 2009
    • 0

    One of the hardest aspects of anxiety is that people find themselves drowning in ambivalence. According to dictionary.com ambivalence is "uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by an inability to make a choice."  People come to my office ambivalent about therapyidea, ambivalent about whether or not they love someone, ambivalent… Continue Reading

  • Transitions are Both Unraveling & Vital

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • September 5, 2009
    • 0

    Transitions are always uncomfortable for everyone. In order to grow it is important to tolerate the discomfort, that is an ordinary part of transitions. It was the school bus driver in kindergarten, who talked me onto the yellow bus, persuading me this brand new experience would be okay. I am… Continue Reading

  • Uncertainty & Empathy are Crucial for Couples Survival

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • August 25, 2009
    • 0

    The couples that can be toughest to work with, are those where someone has to be right, because then problems are about who wins and who loses instead of how to negotiate to take care of both people. A win/lose mentality is a shallow way to explore the inevitable irreconcilable… Continue Reading

  • The Challenge of Letting Go

    • Rhoda Mills Sommer
    • July 15, 2009
    • 0

    It is a challenge to let go when all you want to do is hang on and control. Let's begin with why people hang onto control. The kooky things we do always make sense (which is the title of the 4/09/09 entry on this blog). Being in control provides people… Continue Reading